he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
