Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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