i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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