it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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