take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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