Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes