halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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