2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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