i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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