New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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