maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
