The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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