Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
