I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
