break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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