im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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