I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How naked do you want me to be?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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