Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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