If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
