I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
