If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
