Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
