Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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