The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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