In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
