I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
