I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
