haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
