You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
