Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
