just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
