Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
