I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
