I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
