First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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