Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
