I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
