Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
