Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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