i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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