If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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