The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
