Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
