I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
