how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
