I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
