Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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