The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How's work?
Spinning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
