he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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