Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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