i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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