Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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