i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
