i think my tv is drunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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