Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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