A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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